I remember a time when I would secretly eat whatever I could get my hands on.
It didn’t really matter what it was. As long as I was alone and no one was watching, I would sneak food.
This was a way for me to fill myself up, satisfy myself, make myself feel better when I didn’t know how else to feel okay. When I thought that pleasure and feeling good were dirty, and putting myself first was selfish and bad. Food was the only way I knew how to feel better, and eating in secret was the only way I knew how to give myself what I wanted.
Part of my healing path with food has been to practice bingeing on what I actually LIKE. Instead of stuffing anything into my mouth, I started thinking about what would actually taste really good. And I’d give that to myself. That way, instead of making myself sick from a random combination of foods, I could experience at least a sliver of pleasure from getting what I really wanted.
The funny thing is, when I started doing this, I’d usually end up eating less.
When we turn our attention towards what would actually feel or taste good, we become more able to recognize what doesn’t feel good—like eating too much.
So next time you feel compelled to binge, instead of opening the fridge and grabbing whatever you can find, sit down first and think about what you really want to eat. Get that or make it for yourself and take the time to eat it without distractions. Allow yourself to enjoy it. You might be surprised what happens next!